Paris Hilton pitches the TV show from Hell

Paris Hilton thought up a TV show that will undoubtedly make me pay random strangers to throw an axe at my face. It's basically The View but hosted by famous celebrities who will address such topics as the paparazzi, career management and, most importantly, girl talk! At last, a show that tackles battling herpes while finding the perfect purse. Never stop dreaming, folks. The Chicago Sun Times reports:

Just imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Tori Spelling -- as well as [Denise] Richards, Hilton and her former ''The Simple Life'' co-star, Nicole Richie -- together in one big two-hour special sharing ''their side'' of what it's like to be them.
That concept alone reportedly has intrigued a couple of cable channels initially contacted about the concept: Bravo and Lifetime.

In the future, historians wearing jet packs will point to this show's inception as the apex of civilization's decline. But then they'll find themselves addicted to the catty chatter ultimately dooming their own space-age utopia. Don't believe me? Just spend a good 30 seconds imagining Britney Spears' commentary on, shit, anything. If within the first 10 you don't shove your face in the oven, congratulations, you're a robot. Now fix me a drink, tinny!

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Kate Hudson takes her new man Lance Armstrong to meet mum Goldie Hawn

Kate Hudson took Lance Armstrong along to meet her mother yesterday in a sign their relationship has reached serious status.

The couple joined Goldie Hawn for a late lunch at Santa Monica's Ivy at the Shore, with the trio laughing and chatting easily during the get together.

An onlooker said: 'They all looked very relaxed and comfortable in each other's company.'

'And if Goldie's smiles during the meal are any indication, Lance managed to win her approval.'

The seven-time Tour de France champion may have had a bit of convincing to do, considering his notorious reputation as a Hollywood playboy.

After his two-year relationship with the singer Sheryl Crow ended in 2006, he swiftly moved on to fashion designer Tory Burch.

The he was spotted canoodling in New York's Gramercy Park Hotel Rose Bar nightclub with Ashley Olsen, who is 15 years his junior.

Kate and Lance first began dating while on a visit to the Bahamas in May, right after she broke up with the troubled actor Owen Wilson.

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I was the fan hit by Amy Winehouse

A man today claimed he was the fan struck by troubled singer Amy Winehouse at the end of her Glastonbury Festival set.

James Gostelow, 25, from London, told reporters he was elbowed in the head by the singer - and handed in mobile phone footage of the incident.

Mr Gostelow claimed she turned on him after someone in the crowd behind him threw a hat at her.

He came forward to clear his name after some reports said Miss Winehouse was groped.

The Grammy-award winner climbed down to the pit in front of the Pyramid stage at Worthy Farm in Pilton, Somerset, on Saturday, to meet fans during set closer Rehab.

The 24-year-old Londoner was seen to throw punches into the crowd at an unseen reveller.

Mr Gostelow told the BBC he was that reveller - but he did not think Winehouse was aiming at him.

He said: "I saw a hat being thrown from behind me and it hit Amy's beehive. She looked down, saw me looking up, and her elbow went for me.

"She caught my forehead, then someone may have shouted something from the back, which is when she went in again."

Mr Gostelow said it was not too sore but "more shock than anything else having got up early to see her then being hit by her".

He said: "The crowd was going absolutely crazy, everyone was pushing and shoving but that's part of it."

Asked if he would consider contacting the police, Mr Gostelow said: "No, I would never want to take anything so far, and at the end of the day it's all part of being at the front to be honest with you, and being crushed by thousands of people here at Glastonbury.

"It's part of the experience I suppose."

Earlier in her set, Winehouse could not resist pining for her imprisoned husband Blake Fielder-Civil, telling the audience "my husband is out of jail in two weeks".

But despite the rambling banter between songs and the scuffle towards the end, Winehouse, wearing a blue sequin dress, seemed to be on top form.

Recently diagnosed with emphysema, she overcame her troubles in front of 80,000 fans and sang an hour-long set, including hits Tears Drying On Their Own, Back To Black and You Know I'm no Good.

A spokesman for Avon and Somerset Police said no complaints of assault were received after Winehouse appeared to lash out at a fan in the audience.

Therefore, there would be no investigation, he said.

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